A new beginning, a new year, a new crazy

So, a lot of you may be wondering where the hell has this lady been for the passed couple of years. I can answer that. See, once I started dating Mike it was all his fault! Hahaha, I’m just kidding. Well, not exactly, he became a priority of mine that was in line with my drive to earn a good education in the University Within and make the most of my experiences in the District of Houses. I soon learned to become less interpersonally influenced and more involved with my environment. I’ve tried everything from snowboarding, singing in choirs, joining black student associations, to military training boy, have I had a shit to be of stuff to look back on. But, as always, never enough

My next blogging journey begins simply with the idea of resurrecting philosophical ways of thinking. Reflection and honesty in the way I truly portray myself is so important in who I am as a human being. I found myself needing almost WANTING to have somebody care, be there, and constantly take care of me. What for when I’ve clearly grown up experientially, I simply needed to trust myself more and move on from thinking like the young, trapped dramasque in the Isle of Corruption to the more mature, independent, free-of-worry girl I was meant to be.

The delivery is simple- it’s not all about posting my newest thoughts down but also a continuation of stories, stories I have shared with other people that have come back. I brought people back in my life for a purpose. Never step on the people who truly and dearly cared and still do care about you, you shall regret it. I also include some of my funniest moments for you all to laugh and share with friends. I kid you not, I do some crazy shit people, this is where all the shit goes down. Haha!

Thanks for reading- if you’re tired of these notifications about my blog- fuck off, it’s that simple :)) happy reading! And happy new year!!

Seduction 1-0-?

When I think of temptation- two words come to mind: bliss and freedom. Why? Because as much as the human mind hates to admit it submitting to temptation is the lack of saying no to your inner logic.

Over the past lets say… Semi- odd weeks I have been fighting my own temptations and the worst of its kind too! ! ! Seduction ladies and gentlemen. It’s not wrong it’s simply enjoyable, fruitful and fun but is it worth it? When you think of who & what actions led you to be seduced by another it all boils down to- was it god damn worth it?

I’m only 20 see, so don’t get it twisted. I’ve lived an eighth of life and I’m not about to say I know all the answers to this never ending story of suspense. What I will say however, is that worth comes in different fractions and indifferent ways. Depending on who you are. Now ladies, I am not gonna super impose myself on you and men, this isn’t an over generalization. This is what I expect.

I expect to not be a booty call even though I’m the one doing the booty calling. Haha! I want a man to understand that even though his getting my pussy it doesn’t give him the right to say “hasta la vista babe” me! That is just plain wrong. I’m not saying start getting married to me and my vagina but frankly speaking, please have the common decency to express some interest in me the morning after.

And last but not least, if the guidelines of your pleasant hook up haven’t been stipulated and you still want to “figure” it out then please don’t let me be the only one hallarin at your ass the day after!

Girls.. They say we ask for too much but we don’t. I can’t be tempted by a guy who makes me feel as though I’m the only one whose interested in keeping our little conversations going. Ok, im attracted to you and enjoy ..hmmm.. whats the word flirting with you but please STOP using the “call me, maybe” line!! the days of being coy are OveR. say what you mean and do what you say!

I dont need a seducer Who shares close to a little enthusiasm in speaking to me compared to the extent of “how r you’s” and “how was it’s” and “good mornings” I’ve thrown around. So I quit the lying act.. Lying to myself that what I have with my temptation is more than just what it should be. Because it shouldn’t be that and I never wanted it to be. Oh but I did love the attention… I still do

 

Lo que Mas

——————————————————————-
By Shakira
Cuántas veces nos salvó el pudor
y mis ganas de siempre buscarte?
Pedacito de amor delirante
colgado de tu cuello un sábado de lluvia a las cinco de la tarde
Sabe dios como me cuesta dejarte
y te miro mientras duermes,
mas no voy a despertarte
Es que hoy se me agoto la esperanza
porque con lo que nos queda de nosotros
ya no alcanza

Eres lo que mas he querido en la vida
lo que mas he querido
Eres lo que mas he querido en la vida
lo que mas he querido

Cuántas veces quise hacerlo bien
y pequé por hablar demasiado?
no saber dónde, cómo ni cuándo
Todos estos años caminando juntos
ahora no parecen tantos
sabe dios todo el amor que juramos,
pero hoy ya no es lo mismo, ya no vamos a engañarnos
Es que soy una mujer en el mundo
que hizo todo lo que pudo
no te olvides ni un segundo

Eres lo que mas he querido en la vida
lo que mas he querido
Eres lo que mas he querido en la vida
lo que mas he querido

Damned you..damn me

I feel like an astronaut floating in my own life,
Look at me I’m flaring and i can’t stop crying out..
With pleasure..
So slow so swift pain.

I’m dancing on this moon and walking like Neil Armstrong,
Living strong,
I’m living long and nobody can stop me now..
I’m stopped now..

Break this wall that seems to be a mirage in my mind,
I can find,
The boundary,
The incline of my existence as I bind..myself,
And pray that I could jump over to heaven,
I’m in hell now,

Burning out like diesel fuel in a gas guzzling car,
I’m burning out like I’m blazing out,
Out and about,
Did you find out what to feel before I felt it?
Of course nobody hears,

Centralize on the core topic and I look into my own eyes,
So I can’t despise,
My lies,
Brought me to these why’s and cast out the what next’s,
Why next?

My next beat move is to throw you in a ditch,
You bitch!
WTF…do i look like I can flinch?
I’m asking you, u snitch so tell me the answers,
Can I ask you more questions?

Blessed be on this sacred body but it’s morbid soul is dry,
So I shall not pry,
No why,
By and by I will slice me with an axe,
Wipe sweat with a towel..on my foreahead,

Damn this is stressful!Where is the flip switch?
You bitch!
Don’t screech on brakes,
Don’t bleach the black face just hide it all in a pocket,
Reading this poem and speaking,

Holding you with both hands on either side,
Regaining my pride,
Controlling my side,
And your side won’t reflect a single damn thing,
Reflecting..

Mirror mirror on the wall who’s the liar of them all,
Bar brawl!So small! Aren’t you a doll!
No no, fuck you all!
Fuck them all I’m bigger than this and I ain’t a liar,
But I lied

Haunted by drugs and the thugs of my life,
Live your current life!
Forget the knife,
On your throat,
Even though all the strife your in cuts us off and dies,
Whys?
Live

Mirror mirror on the wall who’s the victim of them all,
I’d like to stall,
Screaming don’t let me fall,
Watch you let go and blame,
Blame you for the break,
I broke it.

Mirror mirror on the wall who’s the special girl?
Let’s not hurl..insults..
No I’m the girl!
Didn’t i say don’t hurl..?
Goddamn this sterile equipment and shoot me,
I won’t..

Mirror mirror mirror..
Damn you for the litter,
The litter on my wall,
You seem to hog it all,
I want to scream out “where did you come from”?!
Above all, what about my prom?
Didn’t you say I looked good that day?
No need for mayday mayday mayday?
So more and more mirrors on my wall,
They all seem to want me to fall,
No more double me’s and one you’s,
Mirror mirror Damn you.

Lithium

My brain drives at the possibilities of what was my drug, and what is now the sole fruit of my motivation. It’s not love…it never was.

I begin to not comprehend where I am, I am drowning in this drug of life..this drug that has become my home..

Injected in to my heart, like satan in a little child, I begin to reprimand what I would do if I lost balance,

Torn away from the sole heir of my psychological balance, the plasma that constructed my imagination,

I frightens me and eyes wild as two hares in a headlight, I begin to see the death of my little imagination, my little world dropping,

The bewilderment, the horror!!!the ATROCITY!! how dare thee?!!
DAMN THEE!!DAMN U!!!DAMN DAMN DAMNNNNITTT!!!!!DON’t let go off me..

don’t let go off me..

hold me…. drug me…

I contemplate craziness as a new opportunity and my sole objective is light the stage and show them how crazy I can be,

The money will flow and the candles will light brighter than ever before, my drug will sit and stare at me,

…with motherly eyes knowing full well that it made me what I am today,

I shall not bow my head nor let go off the GO, the breaking point is only defined by what you make of it,

A pinch of salt there, a sip of my drug here and there is no end, but many beginnings, and many more moments of pleasure,

I endure… I endure to tell you that I am non-accepting of this facsimile farce of society, they are fake and I will make,

A lifelong decision to stick to what I know, drug of mine don’t let me go, let me shine…

Don’t falter because I know you want to!damnnit!!DAMN!!DAMNNNN U!!!I thought we were in this together??!

together forever?…

don’t let me fall…?

Sobriety is a powerful thing and I wish to ALL the gods in this lifetime, grant me this wish of sobriety,

Prosperity and never jealousy, but simplicity of life comes with sobriety,

This drug doesn’t let me fall, you will not let go, let me be my own person and I will join you in another lifetime,

But sobriety, oh sobriety escapes my soul and is frightened as I am…I am frightened of another life outside my drug,

Maintain your eloquence oh, ye, naive dumplings and never shadow your belligerence,

Remain calm and walk in the moonlight of wish and hope, drugs will calm you but destroy, ye innocent souls,

Smash those angry belligerent thoughts and kill your motives, the true motives are never under duress..

Dress those souls in white and walk in the virginal bathtub of heaven, let angels wash your body with l’oil…and le vin.

Catch the drops as they fall from your eyes to the floor, drugs of ours are never pleasures of yours,

Save yourselves..

Damnnit!!!SAVE ME!!DAMN!DAMN!!!!!!!DAMNNNNNNN!ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Save me…
Save me….

Save me before i kil…ki…..kill

Drug, sweet drug, lets cuddle and be the best of friends, because even though I cannot identify the main root of my motivation,

I know that I can be a fly on the wall, a butterfly in a paradise and it’s made possible under the influence,

The simplest invisible hand in my life makes it possible for me to fly up high and not sink down low,

The spirit of my existence has a best friend,

I’m happy because it makes me comprehend that my place is not seated but standing and running full speed ahead to where I want to go,

We all need drugs, I don’t know where I dropped the pill-box in my life,
Ir-removed from my present state of thinking I think beyond what I see,

Will you join me?