World of Immigrants

My eyes are welling up with tears,
Nobody to screen this pain,
The marching dog and razor gun gnawing at my senses,
I feel a pain deep within why won’t it stop?

Why are you people all so damn complaining,
When tears roll down eyes which black in fear,
Looking back I see the deep misconception about my world,
I’m freely thinking maybe we all like to fuck one-selves,

My eyes are hurting, his eyes are dead, her eyes are swollen with a nuclear bomb red,
Fading in the timeless world of people,
The earth spins 24-7 and you want Krispy Kreme doughnuts?!
fuck you and your doughnuts there’s no doughnuts where i live,
I can barely come from what I was eating,
I live non freely like I’m trapped between a visa,

My paper, is filled with later’s and maybe later’s can remedy my pain,
My mum and sister, let’s not even talk,
Break the bounds of your ego and reduce that contemporary evil,
Kim Kardashian who is she? but a mere blonde with black hair??
I’m fucking serious, do I care?

Tie’s and dyes like little lies we hope to share with ourselves,
To hope and pray that maybe today we’ll find a necessary method to get along,
I only pray, as i struggle day to day with my day to day duties, a wile away,
only pondering over thoughts that maybe the way forward would be integration,
but how can you integrate and not participate in bloody murder,

My eyes are filled with deep despair and as I wait i sink inside myself,
nObody to screen this pain,
fill this void,
rid this anxiety and walk me down the freedom aisle,

A mile short, a day long, a minute sustained in to an hour, time is of importance, it is ill
I have all that my fellow immigrants have and a world we can fully conceptualize together,
A world of difference you don’t care to see,
but maybe I will lightly put it this way,
A world like this is what we see.

Keeping a Patient Tempo

I am true to my word,
By god, if he has anything to do with this I will beat him senseless..
I regress..
This financial experience has taught me two things,
Not to give money to people, not to use my own money randomly..
Is it simp-ely that simple…
I told my brother what was what,
I opened up because I couldn’t take it any more and now its sorted..
I am morbid..

No more lies in my life,
It’s so weird that I lost the pattern of what I was and need to change..
Broaden my range..
I’m almost open-minded,
I think the world expects an application of my elemants..
Not just highlights…
I’m losing patience over this UW stuff,
The sad thing is that I’m going almost berserk and losing my mind..
I wish that application became unsigned..
I percieve people to be smarter,
Clouds of grey on perceptions developed and hopeful glances…
Lost in stanzas…

Its not the snow,
Cold bitter thoughts don’t envelope around me and freeze my brain..
I think the usual’s really lame..
Whoever said I’m full insane,
Fully different, fully tainted..
Was partly wrong cause there is a chapter in my life where clear..
Was simply a tear..
Joining clubs that fit my passions,
I cannot wait because I’m set on feeling something either than..
A simple lonliness I can’t comprehend..

I push the people further back,
Their talk is cheap and I am living in a antifairytale drama..
They are not my mama..
Shouts, screams and booze,
I can hear it in the next room and I say no to it all…
Am I a girl at all?
I feel so tested

Different WorLDS

Hey all,
today is a special day because for the first time in my whole life I wrote a status directly related to hapiness and peace of mine on facebook. YES!I’m on facebook!it’s a miracle!now shut up.
So,it hit me that I should write this post. Yesterday I recieved a rather awkward message from “his” lover/person that he used to vibe while we were going out who’s also in “his” school. And she said, hey,wassup :). I thought to myself ‘how exactly am I supposed to respond?I don’t know this girl and I most definately don’t like the way she’s putting that smiley face’. I asked her who she is and I’m awaiting her reply.
But I got to thinking about why this girl would even contact me, is my x-boyfriend spying on me, does she want to abuse me?or taunt me with the fact that their going out. No, alex told me one precious thing, he told me that maybe my x misses me and always talks about me to her. And maybe, just maybe, shes come to find out what all the hype was about.

My thoughts spun this morning as I woke up, I laughed and thought haha, thank god he misses me because that’s what I just needed to move on. Would I take him back?Would I be honoured?NO. Because I realized twovery important things when I want to the District of Them. One, They will never change and became different from how I percieved them to be(which is a good thing, because I want things to stay the same,absolution). Two, these are two different worlds and two different people.
I used to think he was good enough for me, you know how you rank a dude based on his personality, judgement, actions etc.. looks even. He matched up to all of it. I remember when he picked me up from school last year in December and we drove on and on, the heat was killing us but we didnt mind and we didnt care…It was fun. in that moment I thought, no guy would ever do that for me. And he was definately the unique individual I needed in my life. He made it, he had ambitions, he had dreams, he had logic and reason, he had peace of mind.
You can build something with a person who wants almost the same things you want from life and who has almost what you don’t have in your life. You learn from eachother. At 4 months in this relationship with ‘him’ we still talked about that day in the car, the passion wasn’t lost, the memories were alive.
But ever since he broke u with me, I questioned whether he was right. Am i right for him?No. the answer is a plain NO.
If you live in different worlds from another person, that person willdefinately be affected by whats around them. this girl she’s from his world, she can satisfy him and she can fulfill him because she resides in his world and I don’t. And I never will be. Atleast with Douche or Thor, I see a future, I see me, growing up being with either one of them or a different guy, I see movement. Not here.

Accept the differences I am trying to. I live ina castle, my skin is not flawless, I have a multi-coloured buttcheek, a vaginal infection which I am not too happy with(even after all the meds the doctors been stuffing into me and all the fingers that have felt inside me) and I am trapped, but not for long. I am different, and I embrace my differences and the uniqueness of them.

If the person your with cant accept those differences then there is no use trying to be compatible. I think unconsciously so, he knew it was over. Distance was a factor, but difference was an even bigger one.