Deep thoughts in this dark hole where shrubs are born,

Forlorn, and torn …in to pieces,

The scorn of a woman as she feels unborn,

In a world of sin,

Boiling hunger and thirst in deserts plain,

The gain, and wain… of existence,

Rains down on my body and feelings sane,

Creep up on minds so innocent and pussies as wet,

I crept, and wept … as he left,

What’s a girl to do when she has nothing left,

Pussy wet and crevice deep, was so deep,

Hard to keep, to thirsty wounds,

I weep at dark and feel the lark of times left to reap,

Times left to regain in this world of pain,

I feel insane, membrane,.. can’t stop thinking,

As the trains, of time’s lanes pass me by and blame,

Curious George hands who find their way amongst the light of day,

I pray, the clearly here to stay,

Long line, so divine as these fingers meet mine,

Sense of time in this moment, I am no longer lost,

In frost, at a cost of words..I gasp,men

The touch of newly born fingers creep, in this crevice so deep, i-m–l-o-s-t,

In pleasure mine with you in mind, strong hands so divine,

Inclined to sign, be mine..and let’s rock,

Up and down, Up and down all night like the fine wine we sip in sync,

The blinks of pleasure feel great as the wet over came my dry,

I cry in pleasure, sigh in pain…I am mine,

Wanting you to be here as I fine dine on my pine

Dear Spam

Contrary to popular belief, spam comments are somewhat revitalizing for your blog. they offer interesting comments.some good and some not-so-good. Basically. The world’s gone to shit if you think about the millions of people searching the net all day trying to find a solution to a problem they don’t even know exists. But it exists because the internet in some way plays on our beliefs about our worldly wisdom and makes us think that sharing is caring when what it really is mess.

My observations about Spam are this – comment if relevantly you feel moved to. Don’t blabber on about this technical device or this porn site or this new leg warmer you need to sell because you are technically only wasting your time. My positive chatter aside, Spam you are indistinctly the worst case of mad-cow disease I have ever heard of, you are mad-people disease. You are all fucking crazy because you write to me but you don’t know me and you think I’ll listen. Whereas I write but I don’t expect any of you to listen and even more prevalent to that is the fact that when you do listen I want you to listen and humble yourself…You cannot do that. You are not welcome on this blog so fuck off.

Yours truthfully,
Dramasque Diva


I just had coffee with M and Melissa, the usual-a light,hearty talk after a class we all attended,First year experience.

This particular tuesday was significant because we had all just come back from spring break and the topic of conversation was “how are you’s..what did you do’s..and details, details, details..”. Very exciting stuff. I told Melissa that last night I had gone out of campus with Mike and her initial reaction was happy, excited and thrilled for me. After I explained how serious and intense our night was I proceeded to ask her about her night, she began to tell me that she did not have plans but today she was going to meet Rob for dinner.

I smiled madly, and recalled our previous conversation. Melissa and Rob have been friends for quite some time, reasons why she did not want to get into a relationship were beyond me!I questioned her and M, as usual, sat there smoking his “water-filled mixed with nicotine plastic cigarette” and called it what it was.

I felt the pressure build up on Melissa’s expression, she retaliated with “why should i’s..?i just wanna be friends!”.I could see that self-same me in her. Willing but unwilling. M blinked twice and behind drowsy eyes he told us both that Melissa was a tease, likes to get attention from men, likes the recognition that she can get any man she wants, whoever she wants etc.. but never wants to get too serious lest she looses that organization in her life.

“Oh, the makers of perfection,damned you”, I thought. What a tragedy it must be for a person like Melissa to be so organized, so smart, so perfect..that her very being does not allow her to accept anything less than perfect. and so were judged from a distance like objects in a porcelain china glass vase. never to be touched…just attracting flies and killing them with the whip of our rejections.

M complained too, he made a mess of it and said Melissa needs to get fucked. He, too, said that he would hit on Melissa if he wasn’t dating his girlfriend, and not just her, but every other girl.I turned to my druggie friend and said “you’re sick” But he simply continued to explain how I was completely right before, no guy in his right hetro-sexual mind would just “only” be with friends with his hetro-sexual female friend when they are getting closer by the second.

Teases..I thought. Melissa is generally a nice person,I like her, she’s got spunk and lots of good things going for her. But at one point in time it hit me that I am so much as my thoughts want me to be, you impose control over your body and tell yourself where the boundaries lie. The typical standard of dating and all is an allusion to what we really want. Melissa wants a relationship, she is bound by her devotion to her academics and life goals. Yet, her thoughts allow her some leaway because she figures that’s her little bit of fun with guys heads(having them fall for her then feeding on their lost will and misplaced empowerment) defenseless?pah!all because of her!

Teases need not be judged but tended to, perfection isn’t managed but cured into something realistic. It is not realistic for the person to build castles in the sky, and never distinguish between genuine feelings and lustful ones, treating them as one is dangerous. My friends and I are trapped in ourpre-judgments of what the perfect mate should be like…

“as long as you are happy”

Statement of the year-because-it is true. I will never be happy searching for breaking hearts, i will be happy searching for a heart that beats at the same rate and blink as mine does.

M suggested sex as a means of breaking those assumptions that bound us to our tacky games, I like his methodology. Yes, I’M NOT SAYING GO OUT THERE AND HAVE SEX WITH EVERY SINGLE OPPOSITE SEX PERSON JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE A TEASE. I am simply stating, break out a little and love a little, allow yourself to open up to the possibilities(however crazy) of experiencing the mad illogical pleasures of a sexual relationship.

Are you a tease? And what are you going to do about it?

thE nEw rEalization

Thats what i believe love has become. In not so maby words I learnt the other day that whatever hapenned to me, hapenned to loads of other girls my age, my situation,my purgatory.
After i finished my graphic design course yesterday a girl was crying, she sat next to me and cried a full 1hour,nonstop..why?because her boyfriend and her were gaving problems communicating with eachother after one year of being ina relationship. Hela,the girl, explainedd that she was also in purgatory.locked,trapped, and in love.her first sex partner was her boyfriend and she didnt want to lose him. She was IN lOve with him. And just like me and winnie, she’d given him her all.

Up till this day, my past haunts me to some degree, a time when i was happy, a memory of my innocence, an enjoyable naivity. My past flashed across my eyes,’he’ was there..and as Hela relayed her story I saw a window open at the back of my mind. I saw myself crossing the road in the District of Them,sacrificing, like them,the little I had to give to save my relationship.

Why did hela cry when she’d given up so much?why did she cry out of exhaustion?why did the final curtain call of this ‘almost perfect romance’ with this ‘almost perfect person’have to end?

I realized it isnt about why it happens or who it hapenns to, its about learning from mistakes. And every choice we make whether new or old is a mistake. Even the most confusing and different of them all: LoVe. Love is new and bold and full of thousands of expectations and limits, but it isnt ours to dictate. It is ours to experience and learn from.
Heart break before your barely 25 is inevitable because the very concept of newness and experience excites all of us. And when its not exciting us, its scaring us away. We all are in search of something.

Hela, winnie and i need to believe in human self and worth. We grow up with a challenge to be our own person. And expect things from the people around us. Qualities that make us better, qualities that influence us ina positive way. But not to control these feelings we have and not control the love we are experiencing. Its about acceptance that this was a phase…and that these forces of nature divide us and make us stronger.

Don’t cry. Believe you can do better the next time.