Keeping a Patient Tempo

I am true to my word,
By god, if he has anything to do with this I will beat him senseless..
I regress..
This financial experience has taught me two things,
Not to give money to people, not to use my own money randomly..
Is it simp-ely that simple…
I told my brother what was what,
I opened up because I couldn’t take it any more and now its sorted..
I am morbid..

No more lies in my life,
It’s so weird that I lost the pattern of what I was and need to change..
Broaden my range..
I’m almost open-minded,
I think the world expects an application of my elemants..
Not just highlights…
I’m losing patience over this UW stuff,
The sad thing is that I’m going almost berserk and losing my mind..
I wish that application became unsigned..
I percieve people to be smarter,
Clouds of grey on perceptions developed and hopeful glances…
Lost in stanzas…

Its not the snow,
Cold bitter thoughts don’t envelope around me and freeze my brain..
I think the usual’s really lame..
Whoever said I’m full insane,
Fully different, fully tainted..
Was partly wrong cause there is a chapter in my life where clear..
Was simply a tear..
Joining clubs that fit my passions,
I cannot wait because I’m set on feeling something either than..
A simple lonliness I can’t comprehend..

I push the people further back,
Their talk is cheap and I am living in a antifairytale drama..
They are not my mama..
Shouts, screams and booze,
I can hear it in the next room and I say no to it all…
Am I a girl at all?
I feel so tested

Change I caN’t bEliEve in

Chinese Symbol for Change

I twisted this saying to suit my own personal feelings, but Obama would be mad if I did. Yes,yes of course he would be. Fine, I’m dwindling between revealing this to everybody and revealing this to everybody. Oh wait, I’m revealing this to everybody.

Have you ever gone to a mall and all you cvan do is gap at the monstrousity of the building and the functionalities astound you. I have become a cave woman and for the first time I feel like my heavy judgments on life are going to bounce back and bite me on the ss(like 300 times because I honesty believe my ass needs atleast 299 bites).

Change I can’t believe in is also known as culture shock. Lets say you walk into a room full of people wearing gay-wage tshirts you’ll be like “shit!their so gay!the tshirts too!”. But it’s not about that, its about opening up your mind, not with fork and knife, but with patience and experience. So far I’ve used observance, critical thinking and a magnification of my own thoughts to summate my experiences and mentor them to you, my fans 🙂

But am i crazy?Or am i deliberately faking naivity??? I went into a mal; and gapped at a girl holding an icrecream cone! Not because it was vanilla and choc chip(which is by the way my all time favourite ice cream!) but because she was a HUMAN BEING in a public place, so relaxed, so at ease, blending in. sigh.. I want to be like her, you and the millions of other people enjoying the luxaries of day to day social living. It’s healthy.

I can’t believe I’m going to the University Within, things will be so much worse when I go there. Take for example when I was taken to a nice lounge the other day in the middle of the CBD. Of course I had to rush through the whole sipping-gingerale-and-acting-all-chilled-out-but-im-not part, but I was shocked, rendered speechless because I judged the Isle of Corruption and I said “damn these people their such zebras!”(zebras run in packs. get with the m.o.! 😐 )The CBD and my life, thought to be one big episode of “Survivor” paused and I relaxed. The ambience was so calm, the people so happy, the sunny glow hitting the tables and shining the afternoon summer time in- I couldn’t believe I was out of my prison, I couldn’t believe that this place not only surpassed my expectations but proved them wrong entirely. Admitting defeat is ok, joining in and changing is whats so scary.

Was I happy to leave that lounge? Get of that public transport vehicle? Leave the District of Nothing? Yes. I’m still really afraid


I think I’m the happiest person on earth because I never gave up. Most people would have cried and stormed off, gone in to drugs and sex scandals but I stuck it out for a future I knew i’d have. I’ve just been accepted to the University Within officially and I just recieved my admissions packet. Vatti grabbed my and nuggy’d my head like I was some kind of mangy chihauhau, but the point is, I’m going, I;m finally leaving the Isle of Corruption and moving on to freedom, to peace.

All Vatti has to do is sort out his papers, of which he threatens he wont put the other haf a mill in the bank account due to lack of senses. I’ll kill him if he ruins this for me.

I arose above and beyond my social and acedemic hurdles in life. I cried endlessly and lost faith in God and myself, hated the world and didn’t understand a thing.
You see the thing about arising is that you seek understanding of what just hapenned, like you’ve been awoken froma deep sleep and now u finally get why life is as complicated and befuddling as it is. Arising is having faith that there’s more to life then today. Arising is putting aside angry temperaments, being calm,dealing with the obstacles in your path.

You are the shield against all blackness that crosses your path, the light that shines faith on human existance. We believe in ourselves and one another because it makes us one. The truth of our existence as human beings becomes a reality, we are stronger beings, in nature, character and spiritual elemants.

Arise and be..all that you’ll be, all that you’ll be
Arise and be…all of your dreams, all that you dream.

Arise and be, all that u dream, all that u dream.
See past the fakeness and the seams,
Stand up and be the best you can be,
Love is never far or easy,
Fight and be happy because thats what u deserve,
A glimmer of oppurtunity is what you observe,
See past the difficulties and into the picture,
The successfull picture of how you’ll be hurt no longer.