Deep thoughts in this dark hole where shrubs are born,

Forlorn, and torn …in to pieces,

The scorn of a woman as she feels unborn,

In a world of sin,

Boiling hunger and thirst in deserts plain,

The gain, and wain… of existence,

Rains down on my body and feelings sane,

Creep up on minds so innocent and pussies as wet,

I crept, and wept … as he left,

What’s a girl to do when she has nothing left,

Pussy wet and crevice deep, was so deep,

Hard to keep, to thirsty wounds,

I weep at dark and feel the lark of times left to reap,

Times left to regain in this world of pain,

I feel insane, membrane,.. can’t stop thinking,

As the trains, of time’s lanes pass me by and blame,

Curious George hands who find their way amongst the light of day,

I pray, the clearly here to stay,

Long line, so divine as these fingers meet mine,

Sense of time in this moment, I am no longer lost,

In frost, at a cost of words..I gasp,men

The touch of newly born fingers creep, in this crevice so deep, i-m–l-o-s-t,

In pleasure mine with you in mind, strong hands so divine,

Inclined to sign, be mine..and let’s rock,

Up and down, Up and down all night like the fine wine we sip in sync,

The blinks of pleasure feel great as the wet over came my dry,

I cry in pleasure, sigh in pain…I am mine,

Wanting you to be here as I fine dine on my pine

Dignity / Sanity

Like tears of rain on a wet earth, I shudder at the thought of writing this post and feeling like what I’m writing is complete shit. But I write on.. you know why? because it’s all a question of examining WHY, and WHY did it happen.

Day in, day out I question why Martin left – that day I try to figure out the reasons why friends, particularly old friends, decide to call it quits. He was so cold with his text as if I spoke to him with a sharp tongue and all he could do to suppress his anger at me was to tell em to shut up, how dare he? who the fuck is he to talk to me like that? and what about our time in District of Prayer???My answer is that we grow out of the people we once were and try to become the people we always imagined we would be. It’s a silent agreement between friend and friend that this has to happen at this particular shitty time, when neither of us talk but agree that distance makes the heart understand. 

The passage of time is a strange thing and as I sat there thinking about what had made my relationship with Martin and many other friends I made in the Isle of Corruption sour, I began to contemplate that only I could have cheated myself that life wouldn’t take those people away from me. What were to be my greatest high school moments never happened and when it was time I was gone. Locked away in one way or the other by my situation, my parents, my environment, my own heart. 

I favor Dignity over Sanity any day. To me, Dignity represents walking away from a situation knowing that what you represent is more than what the other person can give you. Sanity underlines the measure of insanity you can experience before you need to placate yourself with a drug.. My addiction to the past has led me to this post, because of the challenge of dignity versus sanity, I stand here today puzzled by the mix of emotions that the past, ill-left behind and never resurrected, plays in my life as a whole. My friends and family would say “leave it behind, leave them behind”

Time heals all but why can’t it heal the complexity of this issue-when had we decided as humans to truly stop caring about one another and leave those remnants of our previous encounters, challenges, experiences, and escapades behind. Are we so sick as to never look back? Maintain your Dignity and move on because you are worth more than the situation can afford you, muscle in the pride and take a step forward instead of a step back into a new, righteous of life..that is fucking Dignity.

I can be insane-like a new fix i can be insane for you..i can be insane for you too, i can be crazy..text you and want you to want me but..


alas. i don’t care any more because you found the girl that makes you skip, that sets that smile in the morning and kisses those lips in the evening.


alas. you’ve found a great journey and only dignity and time can tell. I  hold my sanity in my hand and thank the god’s that I can leave and never return. It doesn’t pain it me it makes me realize how glorious life can treat you and give you a moment and time when you experienced somebody or something beautiful.. but nothing lasts forever and we must accept..i have to accept and i am accepting.


that it’s time to let go of all the complexity’s that made letting go so insanely hard. 


I have guided my heart into a brighter dawn.


Letting Go (part 2)

Hear You Me – Jimmy Eats World

Thank you for liberating me,
Freeing me from the clutches of commitment and desperation,
Emancipation of my own heart,
Dance of my spirit,
Dancing round and round,

I’m cured from this disease that has plagued me for 18 years,
Cured from false hopes and lies,
Cured because for the first time,
The dead soul within me cries and is heard by a choir,
A choir in heaven singing,
A choir in heaven rejoicing,

I know you miss me,
But so does the better part of myself,
That never fully was appreciated by you or anyone else,
I want you to smell the smoke,
And my hoarse breathing,
It’s me lighting everything you ever gave me on fire,
I let go with my mind 6 months ago,
I let go with my mind 2 years ago,
I let go with my mind 3 weeks ago,
I let go, but I lied.

This aroma filled with charcoal and destruction is my way,
Of ending my angel’s confinement,
So lost in the idea that I couldn’t get anyone else,
Manipulated by my girlish whims,
Betrayed by the dance of life,
Betrayed by me ego,

I’m taking it all back,
Leaving you behind with nothing,
And letting go,
I forgive you for being the jackass that left me,
You were blinded,
I was blinded,

Super Girl

I would have come back to you,
Dreams like whisps and spirits hanging on,
Dusty path swept underneath me,
Ashes of your shit lieing beneath me,
I’m taking my angel back,
Leaving you with nothing,
Letting go.