Italian New York’n Accent’s


“After my session, she came over
I was aggressive, and she was sober
I gave her pills
She started confessing and started undressing
And ask me to hold her
And so I did, but that was last month
And now she’s texting me, asking for closure
Damn”- Weezy aka Lil Wayne ft. Drake – HYFR

I feel like Weezy spoke it loud and clear when he said those lines. I don’t actually need a guy like that in my life but seem to be attracted to that type all the time. This statement reminds me about how bad, ruthless, and wrong it is to want something so wrong for myself. I’ve lived a life of limits and continue to limit my needs because hell, we all can’t get what we want right?

ImageI keep thinking about him and my mind goes into overdrive as I think about those Italian New York’n accent’s that drive me insane, wind my brain out and warm me up then down. I think their seductive and indelectible, why? I don’t know. Say canoli next to me and I’ll go crazy. I feel like I’m floating up to the moon.. and when I think of him, those thoughts never leave my mind.


How can I escape it? How can I escape the douche bag guy I’m attracted to? I do nothing but wander off in my mind until something or rather, someone better comes along. Mike has been gone for 5 months and I am STARVED of affection. You wanna talk about running dry? I’m running low on every semblance of seduction, sexual addicition you can think of.. the one thing that lifts my spirits is hearing those accents, thinking about them.. it gives me hope of the douchebag guy that in my a manifestation of a strong, bad ass of a man. WHY? I have no fucking idea.


You ever find yourself needing something thats so bad for you? Like a drug, like cocaine?

Maybe I should start taking cocaine.. that makes people forget the pain, the hunger, the just numbs up the whole fucking house as a whole. My head’s spinning cause crazy thought of the day is..maybe I should be with someone who has an italian, new york’n accent.. someone who reminds me of the large city lights – bright glare of the deli signs – taxi horns – walking fast – pizza – tough exterior that is never broken down by anything.. 


I am against all odds in this game of relationships and suddenly I feel lost. I love Mike, I need him to come back so I don’t need to NEED New York nor the flashing lights nor the Italian fever boiling up within me.. I need someone to take the fantasy away and make a fantasy with me IN IT. My head’s spinning again.. how long is this going to go on for?



Deep Within

There’s a reluctance to feel what I feel,
And a denial to think the way everybody else thinks.
Because I believe in oneness. not uniqueness, oneness.

My thoughts just burn like ash and fern,
My mind lingers and I’m tired of waiting,
Waiting for the oppurtune moment of sacrilious sanctity,
Waiting for the time when i can fullfill my every desire.

But im alone, like a shot gun waiting to be fired,
Im alone, and the peace of mind I seek to obtain is nothing but a mirror image of my evil desires and boring oneness..

I can’t feel the floor beneath my feet,
I can’t feel the kisses and the shying eyes, the blush, the cognac seeping through my oesophagus, i can’t feel any sense of pride and devotion.

My devotion is to oneness as it is to oneself,
I am not selfish but filled with bitterness because I cannot fully committ to the ones i wish to comitt to,
And believe the ones i would like to believe,
I’m consumed, chasing dreams bigger than my show size,
Whoring my aspirations around and trusting those that don’t give a damn because there is determination,

I cut a slice of bread, eat it, and let it sink,
like the timeless series of emotions I should have gone through but never underwent,
Consumed with self-study and hating everybody,