My world


In my world Deuces isn't recognized...let the moon pour in to my life

I step out of the shower,

the pitter patter of rain drops fall on the ground,
the pitter patter of rain dribbles down my slopes,

I wonder what life has brought,
The daunting thought of taking another step,

My world is shaking and wobbling like the world is ending,
My world is shaking and sweating like global warming,

The memories are clouds like an overhead sun,
I look to the dry dam,

It stares back with memories of what my world used to be like,
It stares back filled with more than a hundred thoughts of wanting,

The sexual pleasure that fed the soil,
I’ve tried to escape the feeling of desire,

Most of all, the world reconstructs itself and its citizens move house,
Most of all, its frightening to think my world faces a trade off,

Only one can be chosen, lust or extinction?
I stroke the hardening earth,

Feels like ages since Its been watered and cared for,
Feels like jealousy and hunger mixed into one,

Why do the other planets have and i don’t?
The songs in my head are move on and you’ll be fine,

I positively take actions like the leader of a short island,
I negatively scream that I expect results,

The most I can do is build a new city,
I build my city and its full of great wonders,

There’s control, motivation, determination and pain,
There’s over-control, fear, anger and insanity of the mind,

The mayor of my city is my heart,
I walk three steps in the snow,

The guy holding his girl by the shoulder frightens and thrills me,
The guy holding his girl moves me and tempts me to limits,

The world is under attack!
Bring yourself to composure and don’t care,

Nick said I should’nt care because it’s not worth caring about,
He said its not going to hurt, lets make birds fly and grass green,

Pouring myself into something, using a jug,
I click three buttons,

Technology is famous all over the world,
Technology allows us to connect to the most perverse things ever,

Technology is better than manmade rivers..
Brilliant white light is that you calling?

I walk into the light waiting to greet it and pick a letter,
The mail always comes in but never stays for long in the world,

Constitution of my soul revived and inspired,
By bright lights of the holy spirit,
Building the castles now,

Cold chill freezing the beauty all around,
Cold chill hiding the sweetest girl around,

Animals in hibernation and waiting to eat,
The food of my eyes yet to be harvested,

Patience is important in forming beautiful cities,
Lets not let the old pipes burst under with impatience,

Closing the gates and using my hands,
Building this city with nothing but a plan,

thE nEw rEalization


E-E-E..easy,eloquent,effective,enjoyable,evolving..
Thats what i believe love has become. In not so maby words I learnt the other day that whatever hapenned to me, hapenned to loads of other girls my age, my situation,my purgatory.
After i finished my graphic design course yesterday a girl was crying, she sat next to me and cried a full 1hour,nonstop..why?because her boyfriend and her were gaving problems communicating with eachother after one year of being ina relationship. Hela,the girl, explainedd that she was also in purgatory.locked,trapped, and in love.her first sex partner was her boyfriend and she didnt want to lose him. She was IN lOve with him. And just like me and winnie, she’d given him her all.

Up till this day, my past haunts me to some degree, a time when i was happy, a memory of my innocence, an enjoyable naivity. My past flashed across my eyes,’he’ was there..and as Hela relayed her story I saw a window open at the back of my mind. I saw myself crossing the road in the District of Them,sacrificing, like them,the little I had to give to save my relationship.

Why did hela cry when she’d given up so much?why did she cry out of exhaustion?why did the final curtain call of this ‘almost perfect romance’ with this ‘almost perfect person’have to end?

I realized it isnt about why it happens or who it hapenns to, its about learning from mistakes. And every choice we make whether new or old is a mistake. Even the most confusing and different of them all: LoVe. Love is new and bold and full of thousands of expectations and limits, but it isnt ours to dictate. It is ours to experience and learn from.
Heart break before your barely 25 is inevitable because the very concept of newness and experience excites all of us. And when its not exciting us, its scaring us away. We all are in search of something.

Hela, winnie and i need to believe in human self and worth. We grow up with a challenge to be our own person. And expect things from the people around us. Qualities that make us better, qualities that influence us ina positive way. But not to control these feelings we have and not control the love we are experiencing. Its about acceptance that this was a phase…and that these forces of nature divide us and make us stronger.

Don’t cry. Believe you can do better the next time.