World of Immigrants


My eyes are welling up with tears,
Nobody to screen this pain,
The marching dog and razor gun gnawing at my senses,
I feel a pain deep within why won’t it stop?

Why are you people all so damn complaining,
When tears roll down eyes which black in fear,
Looking back I see the deep misconception about my world,
I’m freely thinking maybe we all like to fuck one-selves,

My eyes are hurting, his eyes are dead, her eyes are swollen with a nuclear bomb red,
Fading in the timeless world of people,
The earth spins 24-7 and you want Krispy Kreme doughnuts?!
fuck you and your doughnuts there’s no doughnuts where i live,
I can barely come from what I was eating,
I live non freely like I’m trapped between a visa,

My paper, is filled with later’s and maybe later’s can remedy my pain,
My mum and sister, let’s not even talk,
Break the bounds of your ego and reduce that contemporary evil,
Kim Kardashian who is she? but a mere blonde with black hair??
I’m fucking serious, do I care?

Tie’s and dyes like little lies we hope to share with ourselves,
To hope and pray that maybe today we’ll find a necessary method to get along,
I only pray, as i struggle day to day with my day to day duties, a wile away,
only pondering over thoughts that maybe the way forward would be integration,
but how can you integrate and not participate in bloody murder,

My eyes are filled with deep despair and as I wait i sink inside myself,
nObody to screen this pain,
fill this void,
rid this anxiety and walk me down the freedom aisle,

A mile short, a day long, a minute sustained in to an hour, time is of importance, it is ill
I have all that my fellow immigrants have and a world we can fully conceptualize together,
A world of difference you don’t care to see,
but maybe I will lightly put it this way,
A world like this is what we see.

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Tease


I just had coffee with M and Melissa, the usual-a light,hearty talk after a class we all attended,First year experience.

This particular tuesday was significant because we had all just come back from spring break and the topic of conversation was “how are you’s..what did you do’s..and details, details, details..”. Very exciting stuff. I told Melissa that last night I had gone out of campus with Mike and her initial reaction was happy, excited and thrilled for me. After I explained how serious and intense our night was I proceeded to ask her about her night, she began to tell me that she did not have plans but today she was going to meet Rob for dinner.

I smiled madly, and recalled our previous conversation. Melissa and Rob have been friends for quite some time, reasons why she did not want to get into a relationship were beyond me!I questioned her and M, as usual, sat there smoking his “water-filled mixed with nicotine plastic cigarette” and called it what it was.

I felt the pressure build up on Melissa’s expression, she retaliated with “why should i’s..?i just wanna be friends!”.I could see that self-same me in her. Willing but unwilling. M blinked twice and behind drowsy eyes he told us both that Melissa was a tease, likes to get attention from men, likes the recognition that she can get any man she wants, whoever she wants etc.. but never wants to get too serious lest she looses that organization in her life.

“Oh, the makers of perfection,damned you”, I thought. What a tragedy it must be for a person like Melissa to be so organized, so smart, so perfect..that her very being does not allow her to accept anything less than perfect. and so were judged from a distance like objects in a porcelain china glass vase. never to be touched…just attracting flies and killing them with the whip of our rejections.

M complained too, he made a mess of it and said Melissa needs to get fucked. He, too, said that he would hit on Melissa if he wasn’t dating his girlfriend, and not just her, but every other girl.I turned to my druggie friend and said “you’re sick” But he simply continued to explain how I was completely right before, no guy in his right hetro-sexual mind would just “only” be with friends with his hetro-sexual female friend when they are getting closer by the second.

Teases..I thought. Melissa is generally a nice person,I like her, she’s got spunk and lots of good things going for her. But at one point in time it hit me that I am so much as my thoughts want me to be, you impose control over your body and tell yourself where the boundaries lie. The typical standard of dating and all is an allusion to what we really want. Melissa wants a relationship, she is bound by her devotion to her academics and life goals. Yet, her thoughts allow her some leaway because she figures that’s her little bit of fun with guys heads(having them fall for her then feeding on their lost will and misplaced empowerment) defenseless?pah!all because of her!

Teases need not be judged but tended to, perfection isn’t managed but cured into something realistic. It is not realistic for the person to build castles in the sky, and never distinguish between genuine feelings and lustful ones, treating them as one is dangerous. My friends and I are trapped in ourpre-judgments of what the perfect mate should be like…

“as long as you are happy”

Statement of the year-because-it is true. I will never be happy searching for breaking hearts, i will be happy searching for a heart that beats at the same rate and blink as mine does.

M suggested sex as a means of breaking those assumptions that bound us to our tacky games, I like his methodology. Yes, I’M NOT SAYING GO OUT THERE AND HAVE SEX WITH EVERY SINGLE OPPOSITE SEX PERSON JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE A TEASE. I am simply stating, break out a little and love a little, allow yourself to open up to the possibilities(however crazy) of experiencing the mad illogical pleasures of a sexual relationship.

Are you a tease? And what are you going to do about it?

Worth the Wait


In most instances we are impatient. Even the most patient person will feel to some degree held back in life.Were waiting for something bigger to come along and when it does, were waiting again.
The other day I got to experience what I’d like to call ,worth the wait syndrome.
I met Douche and we hugged for a full 1 minute, in that full minute I’d realized that I haden’t seen him in a month. Then we talked about why being in a relationship was so difficult not only for me, but for him. He taught me two things that day : Patience, and self respect.

What good is doing something if your only gonna do it for yourself? Douche was tempted but he was alsobound by his selfrespect. He loved me enough to wait. for his time, for our time.

It puts things in to perspective and thats just the category of love in Douche’s life. Worth the wait syndrome also comes into play in acedemics.

I had to wait for my university decisions to come in. I remember in June, sitting there and staring at all those rejections in my email and thinking that there was no hope. Vatti stood up blamed me for every single bad acedemic and social choice I’d made thus far and contacted all these big names in the university admissions industry. Lets just say..I had to write alot of letters, all constructed under Vatti’s critical eye. And things changed after the re-application, it was actually worth the wait. I got all my universities to accept me and 3 of them actually offered me a scholarship. Yesterday I got another acceptance and now I’m spoiled for choice. I’m actually leaving for the Land of Oppurtunity in December! I could talk about how much I was held back, how that small piece of paper called my acedemic transcript seperated me from moving forward and staying here, but it would be one long dramatic story.Mine and mine alone to tell.

It was worth the wait to believe in myself because I waited for a corridor of oppurtunity that I believed in. Vatti got so angry with me one day over buying another phone secretly because of “him” and asked me if I wanted to go to University..did i??I made the choice to believe in me.

Solution?hypothesis?observation?result?It’s always worth the wait if it moves one step closer to your actual dreams.