Finally falling


It’s the hardest thing thinking about what if. Everyday, I want to kick myself in the foot and say why did we let each other go. Some people are better off apart it allows them time to grow.

Mike and I have been having a hard time ever since he left and came back from South America. I didn’t know it then but I certainly know it now: it’s not our time and I wish it was. Making a commitment to be with someone for the long run is such a progressional thing. One that involves time and a promise leading in to bigger things to come. We both felt the same way about breaking off.. After over 2 years of dating.

I’m not shocked, I’m sad because the world is designed in a way that pushes people to move or be moved by the forces of nature. Consistency was never a pattern of life. I blamed it on my ill fortune that I ended up with a guy who had graduated and is now long distance with me.. Same goes for other men who I’ve had relationships with.

And when it comes to this guy I had met 6 months ago, his names Weeman, I get confused about who I have feelings for. Weeman triggers excitement in my world and wants to have fun.. I had that fun. There’s quiet solitude in my head because I acknowledge he is just like other “bro’s” who want sex.

We can’t alter or change how a person acts. The need to place effort kn our characters and actions only comes with true motivation. This is prompted by inspiration or love of another person. Weeman has no love for me, maybe for his ex.. I can’t change a “bro”.. You can’t change a “hoe” and why would I need to when I’m so exhausted by relationships at this point. Mike changed for me.. He was there through and through because I offered him that inspiration.

It’s a common mistake to want life to just pause., I move forward feeling single.. More mature than ever before.. A fast track to independence. I thought my journey was alone now I feel more alone than ever before..

Missing mike. But knowing that he’ll need to go down his path alone and so will I

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Seduction 1-0-?


When I think of temptation- two words come to mind: bliss and freedom. Why? Because as much as the human mind hates to admit it submitting to temptation is the lack of saying no to your inner logic.

Over the past lets say… Semi- odd weeks I have been fighting my own temptations and the worst of its kind too! ! ! Seduction ladies and gentlemen. It’s not wrong it’s simply enjoyable, fruitful and fun but is it worth it? When you think of who & what actions led you to be seduced by another it all boils down to- was it god damn worth it?

I’m only 20 see, so don’t get it twisted. I’ve lived an eighth of life and I’m not about to say I know all the answers to this never ending story of suspense. What I will say however, is that worth comes in different fractions and indifferent ways. Depending on who you are. Now ladies, I am not gonna super impose myself on you and men, this isn’t an over generalization. This is what I expect.

I expect to not be a booty call even though I’m the one doing the booty calling. Haha! I want a man to understand that even though his getting my pussy it doesn’t give him the right to say “hasta la vista babe” me! That is just plain wrong. I’m not saying start getting married to me and my vagina but frankly speaking, please have the common decency to express some interest in me the morning after.

seduction

And last but not least, if the guidelines of your pleasant hook up haven’t been stipulated and you still want to “figure” it out then please don’t let me be the only one hallarin at your ass the day after!

Girls.. They say we ask for too much but we don’t. I can’t be tempted by a guy who makes me feel as though I’m the only one whose interested in keeping our little conversations going. Ok, im attracted to you and enjoy ..hmmm.. whats the word flirting with you but please STOP using the “call me, maybe” line!! the days of being coy are OveR. say what you mean and do what you say!

I dont need a seducer Who shares close to a little enthusiasm in speaking to me compared to the extent of “how r you’s” and “how was it’s” and “good mornings” I’ve thrown around. So I quit the lying act.. Lying to myself that what I have with my temptation is more than just what it should be. Because it shouldn’t be that and I never wanted it to be. Oh but I did love the attention… I still do