“After my session, she came over
I was aggressive, and she was sober
I gave her pills
She started confessing and started undressing
And ask me to hold her
And so I did, but that was last month
And now she’s texting me, asking for closure
Damn”- Weezy aka Lil Wayne ft. Drake – HYFR
I feel like Weezy spoke it loud and clear when he said those lines. I don’t actually need a guy like that in my life but seem to be attracted to that type all the time. This statement reminds me about how bad, ruthless, and wrong it is to want something so wrong for myself. I’ve lived a life of limits and continue to limit my needs because hell, we all can’t get what we want right?
I keep thinking about him and my mind goes into overdrive as I think about those Italian New York’n accent’s that drive me insane, wind my brain out and warm me up then down. I think their seductive and indelectible, why? I don’t know. Say canoli next to me and I’ll go crazy. I feel like I’m floating up to the moon.. and when I think of him, those thoughts never leave my mind.
How can I escape it? How can I escape the douche bag guy I’m attracted to? I do nothing but wander off in my mind until something or rather, someone better comes along. Mike has been gone for 5 months and I am STARVED of affection. You wanna talk about running dry? I’m running low on every semblance of seduction, sexual addicition you can think of.. the one thing that lifts my spirits is hearing those accents, thinking about them.. it gives me hope of the douchebag guy that in my mind..is a manifestation of a strong, bad ass of a man. WHY? I have no fucking idea.
You ever find yourself needing something thats so bad for you? Like a drug, like cocaine?
Maybe I should start taking cocaine.. that makes people forget the pain, the hunger, the lust..it just numbs up the whole fucking house as a whole. My head’s spinning cause crazy thought of the day is..maybe I should be with someone who has an italian, new york’n accent.. someone who reminds me of the large city lights – bright glare of the deli signs – taxi horns – walking fast – pizza – tough exterior that is never broken down by anything..
I am against all odds in this game of relationships and suddenly I feel lost. I love Mike, I need him to come back so I don’t need to NEED New York nor the flashing lights nor the Italian fever boiling up within me.. I need someone to take the fantasy away and make a fantasy with me IN IT. My head’s spinning again.. how long is this going to go on for?