im still AdDicTeD

… I’m still addicted to the sex and the scents
… I try to tell myself I’m not
… But don’t ever lie to your inner voice
… I’m still addicted to the touch of her body on my tongue
… As a result this still pleasure burns me inside
… Because I cannot cum

… I’m still addicted to the thoughts that provoke me
… I’m not afraid of the accent in lust
… But I’m trying hard to resist her touch
… I’m still addicted to that tongue sliding gently down my boob
… Because I know when I come too ill be through
… But the lie makes me feel so alive
… I’m addicted to my own remedy and my own pain
… Sweet beligerant torcherous shame
… Beautiful pain that stings my inner veins
… I’m still addicted to my own desires and yet I dial your number
… It never rings cause I’m still pondering
… But why do this to yourself, n think of only self
… 07……7
… No…more.

… Why

.. no more. the sins of the past left behind and now I chime,
No more.

free yourself

to be PunIsHed is A WeIrd ThInG

I’m currently on a bus back to the University Within, exhausted out of my fucking mind.
First of all, I don’t get how any of this had to affect me, but it did.. It affected me in the worst way possible.
This week has been a week off school due to Thanksgiving Day this past Thursday. My brother and I both went down to the District of Houses where we stayed with my nondescript aunt and her equally nondescript husband and kids. To be honest with you I had a blast before I came to DoH.I was with Mike n we went to watch Phantom of the Opera and it was brilliant!

All the lights, the scenary, the action n the characters all drew me to everything..

I’m falling asleep.. I should be punished, I was punished.. Never again.

Ill continue when I wake up..

I nver really did continue the story of my ever-so-dramatic life.
I don’t think it was that I was punished that day I think it was because the LoO was going berserk during that time period and I got caught up in the whiril wind of it all. To put it lightly, it was Thanksgiving week and all universities including my brother’s and mine had a one week break. I was deliberating whether toactually go to the District of Houses where my Aunt Sophie was because I haven’t been in the best terms with her since she sent my bags one month late and I needed clothes in college. She’s not my real auntie, she’s my mum’s friend. Ok, now I sound like a whiny, bratty child who thinks everybody’s the enemy but truth be told I think my aunt is just plain lazy when it comes to taking care of my brother and I, I know your gonna say “you’re big children, you should take care of yourselves” but my parents are all the way in the Land of Corruption and I miss the heck out of them. She could atleast be more considerate and pay for our train tickets to comwe down there. I almost hate her.

So! As I was saying, I had to go to the DoH, my brother was going to be there (and is quite family oriented), Mike wanted me to go(for the sake of sanity in my family) and I just thought it best to. I had a good week eating lots of Turkey and doing all the family stuff you would do with a family that’s not your own. They even have this day in the LoO called Black Friday! Where you can shop, shop, and SHOP SOME MORE the whole day because all the shops have great deals for customers. It’s the next day after thanksgiving and my aunt thought it best for us to go on Saturday rather than on the actual day because theshops would be horded with people. I only bought 2 nice tops from American Eagle (my favorite clothing brand) because I can’t afford to spend anymore of my money!! Times are tough. Thing is, I’d alreayd bough a snowboarding jacket with Mike (it’s white and it has fur, cute!) for the winter snowboarding thing we’ll be doing so I’m splitting cash left, right and center not so funny…

But I digress, I forgot to tell you why this fantastic family non-family week ended with a huge, utter shitty mess. On the way back, my brother and I decided to take a bus back to our respective schools. We’d take BUS A from DoH to DoL and then BUS B from DoL to our respective schools. The time between BUS A and BUS B arriving was 1 hour but that one hour quickly finished!!! BUS A was sooo late and when it showed up there were too many people scrambling to get a seat on it, I was so frustrated and worried that I didn’t say a thing but eventually the bus driver closes the door and says it’s full. Now, let me tell you why I hate the DoH bus stop, the african american’s that are in charge of the facilities and operations at the station are a bunch of disorganized, dead brained individuals!! How do you close the door and expect the passengers to just give up. How do you not even let us know how many min. late each bus is going to be?!? How do you even assure us that we’ll get on our BUS B if you’re not saying anything. I wasn’t wrong when I criticised their community. Their a bunch of fools who do not know how to get shit done. Atleast a small minority of them that I came in contact with at South Station. No pun intended to Glee Master or any of my respectable african american friends out there.

My brother and I were worrying, we didn’t know how we were going to get to the DoL in time to catch our next bus. We waited fr another bus to come but it was literally 35 min. late as well ad by that time we just knew it was going to take ages for us to get a bus anywhere. Without wasting time my brother and I sped across the station and found a ticket booth where he tried to buy me a ticket to the University Within and his to his university but it didn’t work. My University tickets were sold out!!! So we went to the counter and ofcourse!An African American man is at it and he looks us staright in the eye were panicking cause the train we want to getn on leaves in 5 min. and he says, “please step in line, i can’t answer you if you haven’t stepped in line”. I wanted to kill the man! We needed to know whether we could purchase an extra ticket for me on the train, how foolish can he be!!!After all the tentative cueing we finally go tto the front of the line and we were informed that we ca’t buy a ticket but we can talk to the conductor and ask him if we can get one on board.

As the train pulled up my brother asked the conductor lady whether we could buy a ticket and all she says is ”
no, i’m getting of in new york, i have noo idea. You should get on and ask the conductor in new york when you get there”. I almost blew up in her face but I decided not to. First of all, does she really expect us to get on a train, my brother already having spent $137 for the ticket for one stop and gambling whether they’ll keep us for the rest of the journey???? I remember my brrother’s ticket can be refunded and I tell him we shouldn’t get on, we’ll find another way.

We got the refund for the ticket and rushed back to the bus station point where the amount of people had tripled and they were still waiting for buses. I was freaking out by then and didn’t know what to do!! My brother came p with the idea of buying an express commuter ticket for the train for $10 to the DoL and once we get there we’d figure our way around. It worked out well but the express train was packed and not only that but when we finally go to our destination my brother and I had to walk with our luggage(2 suitcases and 2 rucksacks) to the bus station that was 10 blocks away. You see it done in the movies where this hot girl gets out of the airport and flags down a taxi in DoL but in real lfie hunny, that aint happennin!! You gotta take your bags and lug them around the District of Lights and hope to God nothing/nobody pops out at you and snatches your belongings away. It’s 5:30pm by this time and it’s getting impressively dark. I couldn’t believe this. We were literally walking 10 blocks, that’s the equivalent of crossing 8 streets. but streets aren’t too bad and we got there albeit abit of confusion and we were both very exhausted.

The Bus station in DoL is what I’d like to called Port Chaos. Port Chaos is a dungeon full of madness with people swarming in and out trying to get buses to and fro DoL and the information desks are no help because [olice officers are generally all assholes with no concsience about where their going or what advise tey can give people, basically their just as confused. Next thinG i KNOW were pulling our bags up elevators trying to go to the bus office for BUS B to find out if we can get another one. At this point, their not even asking why we missed our old one because there are about 200 people in one tiny room trying to get buses that they couldn’t get on to because their initial buses were too full or never came at all. The woman at the counter was a wiry haird, idiot looking, fat ass with no sense of work ethic at all, she’s chewing gum and talking to us. The things that are coming out her mouth are too nondescript for me because in my opinion “just give me the goddamn bus ticket, I’ve had enoough running around” but nooo, she tells us were at the wrong place and we need to go to the enxt office to get a ticket. We get to the next office and they have doubkle the amount of people inside, all fighting eachother for the front of the line. I do recall this one lady abusing this guy cause he told her to move her kid’s cot, people wanna line up, and she told him to fuck off and they got into an argument (baby in the middle). At the enxt office, while all this is going on, I skip the line and approach a security guard who’s in the corner and ask him if he knows anything about the buses and he just says, “you’ve got to buy a ticket, or wait till the morning, no buses leaving now”.. my brother was so angry we just left that office and went to miss. i-hate-my-job-i-love-chewing-gum-more. At this office, she told us there was a bus leaving in about 10min. for a place near my school and my brother could line up in the 400 personline downstairs going to his school (ironically this area was called Area X).

So, alls good. Yeh, I had to line up for 30 more min till the bus driver finally came and drove us to the District of Buses but it was worth it, Mike picked me up soon after and we drove to school. I was exhausted, having eating nothing but a turkey sandwich I wanted to kill myself or kill a live chcken walking across the street. My brother left 30 minutes after me too and I was glad we both got buses even if they were’nt the ones we paid good money for. I hope that I can find the strentgh to write a letter and complain but seriously, I’ll just make an effor to never order another bus ticket again.