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Poetry for the deceased (in honor of those who have fought, struggled and lost the fight against HIV/AIDS)

I think what’s different about living is the experience of wanting and needing things that we can’t have.

Letting desires and temptations control our existence and feeling that what we have isn’t enough; this makes the wants and needs we have stronger. That’s what’s different about living. I feel like I can’t exist anymore.

As the days go by I live a little bit more and the more I think about it the more I realize that there is nothing more sacred in life than the presence we have been allowed to assume on this world.

The reason I began by giving a philosophy about life is because all the weird ways I live mine come from this very one.

Sometimes I’m SUPER DOOPER happy, I want to dance and sing and tell the world that I own everything!
Sometimes I want to cry and yell out why God?! Why do do you want to send me to hell!!
Sometimes I’m neither solemn nor mild, sometimes I’m like a little child,
That just won’t take no for an answer and that little dancer.
Over there starts to walk with her hair down and her posture up and people wonder why I’ve got everything together but,
Sometimes I’m sad, remorseful, full of guilt because I’m waiting for the world we were promised to be built,

Waiting like everybody else for a pinch of what I think I want to go flying through the window,
I was beaten with a kigiko which in my language is called a mwiko and in your language is called a beating stick or something like a gigantic spoon,
By my mum who thought she’d take the liberty of teaching me this lesson of humbleness and guilt,
Because there are far too many people I know and you know who are dead poor, dead sick, dead lost, dead and gone and deader than a 6ft. Deep coffin. Life is presence.

I’ve found the presence of life in my fingertips and I’m wringing it around like a hula hoop but I should stop because the minute I start to consider myself a permanent fixture in this presence of existence.
The minute I start to trick myself into thinking I am existing because I can..then tough shit. I’m as dead and gone as any other bloke out there.

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