Before I went to bed yesterday I restarted my laptop and went on to one of the sites I knew would have what I was lookin’ for. As expected, it did. Lots and lots of lesbian pornography. An orgy of women with women and I was the excited viewer, watching and getting more and more excited as the minutes went by. I quickly scanned over my shoulder in an attempt to hide the devious act I was indulging in. Truth be told, I didn’t want anybody finding out I lived a double life.
Most people live life being dishonest about who/what their sexuality is. I want to be clear, it’s never been either/or with me. A big part of me grew up with the thought/suspicion that I might be bisexual. But, living with it, was even worse than having the thought itself. As you all know, I have been dating Mike since I came to the University Within. God knows, it’s been a long smooth ride up till now and he is so special to me, I couldn’t ask for anything else. But it’s always been there..
When I say it, I mean the fact that I watch lesbian pornography but I am attracted to guys. I always asked myself “does that mean I’m attracted to girls too?” But it’s never been that way. I never was attracted to any chics in reality. In real life, I see a guy walk past and that’s it for me. In real life, I don’t have any sexual feelings towards females. I watch lesbian porn because it is the only that excites me. Like eating a new danish, or trying on a new dress that nobody else likes. I am hetrosexual girl and I always will be. I am in love with my boyfriend and I have a fetish for lesbian pornography.
Your probably looking at the screen gasping and thinking to yourself “how could she say that?” “why would she say that?” I said it because I am done questioning my sexuality, I’m done living like I was torn between two human states. The fetish I have is due to the fact that I am in touch with my body. The female body is an exciting thing to look at, much more exciting than guys fucking chics on the screen. Furthermore, If I am gay So is everybody else who has watched hetrosexual porn because guys watch naked guys, maybe even two naked guys, fucking a chic. Isn’t that gay enough for you? Questions, questions. I guess with a lesbian fetish it is the result of missing a man’s hands on my body. I never watch the porn when I’m around my boyfriend or anybody else, it always creeps up on me when I’m most lonely and when I need somebody to hold me. My indulgence is the fact that I can see other girls please other girls the way I would like to be pleased. And rest assured, my boyfriend serves up good.
Have you ever felt that your interests don’t always define you. Yes, I like lesbian porn, I am not a lesbian. Yes, I like eating french fries without sauce, I am not a gross mother fucker. I am, unique and special in my own different way. These are the things I like, the things I want are part and parcel of my life.
Go for what you believe in. Do what you think is right.