Most times I’m ok with not feeling subject to hurt and pain because I know the feeling is only but a pass and go thing. But when it comes, it comes hard. And I feel slightly inclined to go off on a rampage about the sadness and pain I’m going through, why not? If I am hurt, the world should hurt too.
Sadness and fear overwhelm me, what crazy loony woman can I be? Glee Master spoke words of wisdom in the 4th floor study lounge as I tried to study for my history exam(i was unsuccesful), instead I listened to him question my reasons for deleting my X’s photos. What a crazy question, i asked myself, ofcourse everybody cuts out the memories that were left behind with another person. He laughed and said I shouldn’t have, I should have handled myself more maturely.
I lead a life of tredpidation and disconcern for my past, most of the time. When should I ever incur hurt on myself, why would i? I leave those memories behind with the person that left me behind. And better yet, I will erase them. no wait, I’ll fucking delete them. it is the past, we should want to die happy and not full of unwanted luggage.
So, the brilliance of Glee Master’s questions and philosophical words ringed in my head. He said I reminded him of Angela Basset, a wild and vivacious actress, who burned the car of her x in a film.Yes, If my x were anywhere next to me, i wouldn’t burn his car..I’d tie him to a moving truck, set it on fire then cause the truck to bang into another oil truck. Hence causing a massive explosion that would burn my x alive and roast him.
I love you. Just but words that ring in a relationship that could mean anything from “I love you and want you” to “I love you and thanks for the time”. I disputed Glee Master’s comments, you can control what you say and who you say it to. What you think and how you feel because people are mobile forces in your life that are only represented by your thought. I can think up the idea of loving someone and loving everything about them and I will. I can even be an accepting human being and choose to overlook the faults in a relationship to suit my preferances.
IGNORANCE IS BLISS.
DECEPTION IS ACTION.
INFLUENCE IS EVERYTHING.
BRILLIANCE IS RELATIVE.
PERFECTION IS NON-EXISTANT.
THE FUTURE IS YOURS.
I contemplate whether this law can be applied to my relationship with Mike, and yes, ofcourse Glee Master would be appaled. But here’s how I have controlled my situation:
I have very strong feelings for my boyfriend, I choose to accept his differences and live a life of happiness and no worries
I chose anger when it comes to persistance because i feel that this is a strong emotion that can manifest itself into persuasion, influence and control over the situation. So i don’t get angry with Mike, I get angry when I think of all the pain I endured from my x. It guides my emotion in what is right for me. If I humble myself, who’s to say I will forget those hurtful times and never truly mark what standards I have for society. What standards I wish other girl’s should have for the guys in their lives. Other things need to be remembered, I will look at my daughter in her eyes and cry cause I see and can tell her what I saw. Not with a humble melancholy happy face, with a face so stern it will shut her up and let her know “mama knows what the heck she’s talking about”
Most times, its happiness and I center my world around that, because I am comfortable. Like the lioness chooses to keep her cubs in a reserve, their safe. She can hunt, she is safe, her emotions untouched, her want for food and protection lessens, she has all she needs. I have all I need with Mike.
Most times, I’m not in control any more. It’s a new me. This is the definition of where my anger has gone.
he will be forgotten, the pain won’t be.