I just had coffee with M and Melissa, the usual-a light,hearty talk after a class we all attended,First year experience.
This particular tuesday was significant because we had all just come back from spring break and the topic of conversation was “how are you’s..what did you do’s..and details, details, details..”. Very exciting stuff. I told Melissa that last night I had gone out of campus with Mike and her initial reaction was happy, excited and thrilled for me. After I explained how serious and intense our night was I proceeded to ask her about her night, she began to tell me that she did not have plans but today she was going to meet Rob for dinner.
I smiled madly, and recalled our previous conversation. Melissa and Rob have been friends for quite some time, reasons why she did not want to get into a relationship were beyond me!I questioned her and M, as usual, sat there smoking his “water-filled mixed with nicotine plastic cigarette” and called it what it was.
I felt the pressure build up on Melissa’s expression, she retaliated with “why should i’s..?i just wanna be friends!”.I could see that self-same me in her. Willing but unwilling. M blinked twice and behind drowsy eyes he told us both that Melissa was a tease, likes to get attention from men, likes the recognition that she can get any man she wants, whoever she wants etc.. but never wants to get too serious lest she looses that organization in her life.
“Oh, the makers of perfection,damned you”, I thought. What a tragedy it must be for a person like Melissa to be so organized, so smart, so perfect..that her very being does not allow her to accept anything less than perfect. and so were judged from a distance like objects in a porcelain china glass vase. never to be touched…just attracting flies and killing them with the whip of our rejections.
M complained too, he made a mess of it and said Melissa needs to get fucked. He, too, said that he would hit on Melissa if he wasn’t dating his girlfriend, and not just her, but every other girl.I turned to my druggie friend and said “you’re sick” But he simply continued to explain how I was completely right before, no guy in his right hetro-sexual mind would just “only” be with friends with his hetro-sexual female friend when they are getting closer by the second.
Teases..I thought. Melissa is generally a nice person,I like her, she’s got spunk and lots of good things going for her. But at one point in time it hit me that I am so much as my thoughts want me to be, you impose control over your body and tell yourself where the boundaries lie. The typical standard of dating and all is an allusion to what we really want. Melissa wants a relationship, she is bound by her devotion to her academics and life goals. Yet, her thoughts allow her some leaway because she figures that’s her little bit of fun with guys heads(having them fall for her then feeding on their lost will and misplaced empowerment) defenseless?pah!all because of her!
Teases need not be judged but tended to, perfection isn’t managed but cured into something realistic. It is not realistic for the person to build castles in the sky, and never distinguish between genuine feelings and lustful ones, treating them as one is dangerous. My friends and I are trapped in ourpre-judgments of what the perfect mate should be like…
“as long as you are happy”
Statement of the year-because-it is true. I will never be happy searching for breaking hearts, i will be happy searching for a heart that beats at the same rate and blink as mine does.
M suggested sex as a means of breaking those assumptions that bound us to our tacky games, I like his methodology. Yes, I’M NOT SAYING GO OUT THERE AND HAVE SEX WITH EVERY SINGLE OPPOSITE SEX PERSON JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE A TEASE. I am simply stating, break out a little and love a little, allow yourself to open up to the possibilities(however crazy) of experiencing the mad illogical pleasures of a sexual relationship.
Are you a tease? And what are you going to do about it?