Hidden in my pocket is the very thing I never thought would make sense in my life,
But it makes sense,
Like the inscence of smoke from a herb…it makes sense like the sweet pleasure of humid sex,
Building in my pocket, it screams freedom and I tap it firmly but stiff enough so that people around me don’t know,
But it doesn’t show,
What the blow is and what blows make sense and if I should blow…should i blow on this moment,
I cant let the secret in my pocket escape,
I hold the meaning in my hands, sheltered away from everybody and watch as the world stares on,
oblivious to whats going on,
All you poor souls don’t know what’s gong on,
Are you like a thong? Hidden in that ass you can’t see what’s going on??Damn.

It wants to escape. I won’t let the new existance of me escape and roam free,
See this beauty I have inside me,
The plain truth is that I can’t tell secrets and dang!i can’t even tell one to save my life


I carry you wiTH Me

sTRONG HEARTED man,of mine…
do u sip the tears that slide down your cheek?
do u lick the sweat that runs down your shoulder?
Why can’t i see? why can’t i see?

You punch the wind with your strong hands..
And I can’t comprehend, how those bended hands…
Are so fine and cut..there are buts..
do you believe in love at first sight?
do you think it would be possible to wrap your hands around me?
why can’t you see? why can’t you see me?

Darn man of mine, so full of agility..
I can see the animosity of it all those defined strengths,
That power conserved within you is oh so attractive,
Feel that power within those lines and i breathe…
Why can’t i breathe?Are you breathing? no…you’re breathing just fine.

Stop this image and the screaming wind blowing past me,
you knock me out, you knock us out..
Do you need a hand to wipe those strong hands?
Do you need me to be your bride?
You are my hero, but, you don’t notice the lusting eyes,
the girly sighs..and my oh my’s as you pick your brides..

I sacrifice myself, A glance is all it takes,
And you take me like a blow to the face you willingly recieve,
Like mail that needs to be opened, your hands open me,
unfold my wrappers, dethrone my style!!damnnit do it!
do you think i can be the glass you drink from?
do you think im cut to be broken by your hands?
why can’t you see, why can’t you see..

I carry you with me.

Condoms or Popcorns?

So, I met Rotna for lunch today and we were talking when I spotted these people I’d ditched 2 weeks ago. So Gool girl and Sleepy Boy came over to chat and eat with us, if you ask me their not really good at conversation!!

So, after talking with Rotna the whole hour, I turned to Gool Girl and asked if she wanted to bounce and go see our other “friend” downstairs. So the friend I’m talking about here is Piercing Pisshead, a girl I completely detest cause she always ditches me!! So PP was working downstars in the Health services office and I didnt know what that was about so I went with them.

Interesting enough, on my walk there I kept thinking about all the weird things I’d see.Health services was way too colorful for its own taste and PP was anxious. We chatted for a bit “hi how r u..blah blah blah” then Gool girl and her Sleepy boyfriend asked for a “goody bag”. I like an idiot, asked for one too, I got green tea. They asked if I was sure I wanted the condoms and I said yes!yes!ofcourse!im all mature and stuff of course!…so I gave PP my green tea in exchange for my goodie bag(I insisted for a goodie bag with a smiley face thimble inside it..after weird stares from PP she gave it to me(honestly what is up with people!!!so dramasque needs condoms, biggg deal))

I guess, since I’m considering a few things in my life it would help my awareness of certain issues.

There I am with my goodie bag, which has a smiley face thimble inside the package(Weird!). I was so happy, I tucked it away in my sweater. Walking back to my appartement all so happy I opened it up and looked at the package.

It said Gourmet Popping Corn!I got shocked but I was like “ahh, these people playing it safe, hiding whats really inside the packet with fake popcorn packages,seems abit tacky though” and when i proceeded to open it…there were microwavable popcorn seeds inside there.



I just had coffee with M and Melissa, the usual-a light,hearty talk after a class we all attended,First year experience.

This particular tuesday was significant because we had all just come back from spring break and the topic of conversation was “how are you’s..what did you do’s..and details, details, details..”. Very exciting stuff. I told Melissa that last night I had gone out of campus with Mike and her initial reaction was happy, excited and thrilled for me. After I explained how serious and intense our night was I proceeded to ask her about her night, she began to tell me that she did not have plans but today she was going to meet Rob for dinner.

I smiled madly, and recalled our previous conversation. Melissa and Rob have been friends for quite some time, reasons why she did not want to get into a relationship were beyond me!I questioned her and M, as usual, sat there smoking his “water-filled mixed with nicotine plastic cigarette” and called it what it was.

I felt the pressure build up on Melissa’s expression, she retaliated with “why should i’s..?i just wanna be friends!”.I could see that self-same me in her. Willing but unwilling. M blinked twice and behind drowsy eyes he told us both that Melissa was a tease, likes to get attention from men, likes the recognition that she can get any man she wants, whoever she wants etc.. but never wants to get too serious lest she looses that organization in her life.

“Oh, the makers of perfection,damned you”, I thought. What a tragedy it must be for a person like Melissa to be so organized, so smart, so perfect..that her very being does not allow her to accept anything less than perfect. and so were judged from a distance like objects in a porcelain china glass vase. never to be touched…just attracting flies and killing them with the whip of our rejections.

M complained too, he made a mess of it and said Melissa needs to get fucked. He, too, said that he would hit on Melissa if he wasn’t dating his girlfriend, and not just her, but every other girl.I turned to my druggie friend and said “you’re sick” But he simply continued to explain how I was completely right before, no guy in his right hetro-sexual mind would just “only” be with friends with his hetro-sexual female friend when they are getting closer by the second.

Teases..I thought. Melissa is generally a nice person,I like her, she’s got spunk and lots of good things going for her. But at one point in time it hit me that I am so much as my thoughts want me to be, you impose control over your body and tell yourself where the boundaries lie. The typical standard of dating and all is an allusion to what we really want. Melissa wants a relationship, she is bound by her devotion to her academics and life goals. Yet, her thoughts allow her some leaway because she figures that’s her little bit of fun with guys heads(having them fall for her then feeding on their lost will and misplaced empowerment) defenseless?pah!all because of her!

Teases need not be judged but tended to, perfection isn’t managed but cured into something realistic. It is not realistic for the person to build castles in the sky, and never distinguish between genuine feelings and lustful ones, treating them as one is dangerous. My friends and I are trapped in ourpre-judgments of what the perfect mate should be like…

“as long as you are happy”

Statement of the year-because-it is true. I will never be happy searching for breaking hearts, i will be happy searching for a heart that beats at the same rate and blink as mine does.

M suggested sex as a means of breaking those assumptions that bound us to our tacky games, I like his methodology. Yes, I’M NOT SAYING GO OUT THERE AND HAVE SEX WITH EVERY SINGLE OPPOSITE SEX PERSON JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE A TEASE. I am simply stating, break out a little and love a little, allow yourself to open up to the possibilities(however crazy) of experiencing the mad illogical pleasures of a sexual relationship.

Are you a tease? And what are you going to do about it?