Some people wish for a fantasy island and others wish for a prince in shining armor to walk up to them. But its all easier said then done and with time, comes patience..
So who decides? Who decides when to accept and when to retaliate over the things you dislike in life, nobody, thats who. Coming to the University Within has taught me many things and I’ve only been here 6 weeks. The rest, is yet to be discovered. I knew by letting go of my past in IoC, I would enjoy embracing the newness of the university situation, but who knew that it would involve answering alot of questions about why i “WASN’T HAVING SEX”!
My first encounter was with a guy in IoC on 2go, as I wrote about my lonliness and the endeavors of meeting new people. The frustrating experience of eating lunch alone, dinner alone, and maybe even breakfast.. this sucks. But the one question that popped into his mind was “had sex yet?”. I question it..I question the exact nature of a sexual experience by university students..is it leisure? is it like listening to music? is it sweet and passionate like I would like to think? How dirty can it get? and last but not least, am I supposed to be doing it?
My mind spins and I seem to remember the promise I made to myself once leaving IoC “no guys, no sex, no drugs”. Basic components of a university situation that I’d barred myself from ever going next to, and yet…being here, made it less important, made my goals less important.
I read winnie’s message the other day, and it was all about how sex oriented her life has become. So many guys to choose from, so many people to get to know…I got scared and advised her to keep away from them. You can’t go looking for a gold ring in a garbage bin, you can’t go looking for love in sex. Winnie’s life seemed like something out of a sex and the city sequel. I immediately got jealous but at the same time, I knew, life is faster than I expected…easier said than done.
I think back to all those times, I’ve been serenaded over the phone in purgatory, the tears rolling down my cheeks and the runaway princess sitting at the windowsill. And it seems slower and less sexual. why? Because the physical encounters weren’t there. Curtis and I barely saw each other, but yet pledging your love for somebody who’s millions of miles away seems to be the easiest thing to do.. psychology vs. whats really the situation.
I feel like a clown, I am juggling a ball, a bible and a snake all in one hand because I can’t admit the fate of world is changing. I met someone who makes me happy and I can touch his skin and look into his earthly eyes. Does that mean I’ve let go? Does that mean sex is next?
I’m drawn to conclude that I want the best for the ones I love, but for once going with the flow isn’t so bad. I’ll just have to keep my hand on the red flag lest I start sliding into a ditch.
Sex..is a language in my world. I speak it, because it attracts people to my very being and when i say “no”, it means yes”oh yes” yes. But it isn’t necessarily the best solution to anything and everything. I don’t intend to change my new year’s resolution. I intend to let go of the worrisome lines on my face and still be the fairy princess I was born to be. I’m drawn to remember the afternoon escapades and 2goers that I can’t seem to leave alone.
This is for you, and those that don’t know what to do when faced with peer pressure.
Don’t change for anyone.