I’m seated at the Big bank with my head in between my legs trying to breath. My stomach is also in dire need of some nutrition and keeps grumbling at one rev per min. I think i’m about to cry/scream..This is a dark period.
When i was 12years old I was accepted in to a Youth Leadership program called the YLI and we all had to get LoO visas if we wanted to go to the LoO. One week before my official interview Vatti stormed up and got major angry because i forged a note in school, got caught and he decided I was no longer going to go to LoO because of what I’d done. It was over, YLI, LoO, my oppurtunity to show what i was really made of. Mutti and my brother decided that wasn’t going to fly, they fought hard to keep me going but Vatti was major upset and denied all of us a summer vacation cause of my irresponsble act.
We went behind Vatti’s back and stiil applied for the LoO visa, hopefully if we got it Vatti wouldn’t be upset and he’d end up allowing me to go. Now the LoO rejected me because Vatti’s political affairs got inthe way of me going. Destroyed my interview completely. I was the only kid out of 12 to be rejected. Imagine how I felt: first of all Vatti never allowed me to apply for the visa in the first place, then secondly i still got rejected. I was crushed and Mutti broke down that same day. I still remember that visa counsellor guy going ‘no, ur mums name doesnt coincide with ur dads story. Ur stories also not adding up,ur not qualified for this visa.Try next time’Big fat stamp on my passport saying CANCELLED WITHOUT PREJUDICE. Fuck them.
So, this morning I went with Mutti to the LoO embassy and they took us around in circled. Go here,go there, as if we were play things. As if they deliberately wanted me not to get to The University Within.
We finally entered 20min later, and in the same thing hapenned…
I’m seated at another bank with my head between my legs, frustrated as heck. Wtf!is Mutti???!shes supposed to be back with the cash in IoC currency! I’m frustrated. I knew it, when that lady started asking for me to submit electronic forms and a reciept of payment, i knew we’d missed a beat. I knew that it was hapenning all over again. The doctot was so generous hooking us up with an early appointment at the embassy but this lady!she was so mean ‘dont use my official name!where are the forms?!you are wasting precious time by making things difficult for us’
Murder, and she was black, i wanted to kill her. As i waited for my turn at the desk inside the embassy alone i saw that guy that rejected me last time. Long head, broad shoulders, glasses, geeky, angry, piece of shit. So the lady continued talking to me and lecturing me, i felt like i was floating again. Certain questions spinning through my mind, the main one being: why am i even going through this?!
Lady didnt even look at the rest of my details. And now i’m here, waiting for Mutti to come and pay this stupid fee. Go home and do the form. And come back on thursday for another racist episode of ‘world hates me’. If i was really meant to shine, God is’nt making it easy.