I messed up,azin big time. I’m just waiting for the afternoon to come so I can see Ford and tell him i never want to see him again.
Yesterday was one of the most traumatising experiences of my life.I managed to catch up with Ford after icdl. And he came with his whole cocky attitude towards life, begging that we go watch some zane’s upstairs. I obliged cause i wanted to get to know him better, he did’nt feel the same way. He was wrapping his hands around me and touching my waist. I almost went ballistic!
I told him to stop, he wouldn’t, its like his insistence and sad face manipulated my thoughts, i thought i was stronger. I let him kiss me just once and it was the most horrible experience i have ever had.
You know, when you give somebody that window of oppurtunity to prove themselves, it was like he’d already failed the heart-to-heart conversations and the physical was even a bigger failure. His kiss was assertive, and full of itself.HUGE tongue, and he practically ate my face. I was sad, i was hurting, i felt abused.
Why did i even let thiis guy do this to me, he was like a tick i couldn’t get off. I was so confused i just kept silent. After he touched my waist and smiled, looked like he was happier than ever. I politely left. After all, i lied to the driver again, that i was staying late.
My time is gold…my body is a temple. I should have been stronger about this. I went home and cried my heart out. Why is it that the people who deserve my time are far?Thor,douche, even winnie and fedhi!…i feel abused, i felt weak and most of all,i felt vulnerable. I made a mental note to tell Ford i didnt want to be around him today. But yesterday night, he called demanding for the truth.I told him that i was angry and that i didn’t want to be intimate in any way with him…
I want to hug myself and cry..I need the people that respect me. I need the people who know me around me. I’m not used to this face to face business. Tabz,my classmate, called me asking for her flashdisk…ill give it to her today. I’m done being a victim of secys needs. What does she know, shes here, in my head. She wants one moment sparks of randomness, she appeals to a mans better nature. Dramasque wants more, I want more. Never again. Secy should remain hidden.