I think this is the last fucking time im gonna write this post. ive written it so many times….sigh,deep breath.
Ok,i was basically saying that sometimes you wake up in the morning and your satisfied with the decisions you made because its called putting things in the past, behind you. My life became like that the minute I finished school in june.
I always had a really weird childhood,no permanent best friends in year 6,7 or 8..i was an outcast of sorts, doing my own thing. Living an artists life, singular. And ofcourse the dudes came and went but i wasn’t popular, i wasn’t a freakin girlscout like everybody else. I was just dramasque,preserved and locked away. It’scause Mutti and Vatti always had the upper hand on my childhood. Sometimes I think a prison guard was my obstetrician!
But look at me, i turned out to be bitter, confused and a lil bit retarded, schizo,freak..ish…ok,maybe I’m hurting my feelings way too much!But i left my past behind me and I was satisfied. Who wouldn’t be?Basically the pair of humans that came with high school were plastic and ran in packs(like wilderbeast..)and im not a fucking wilderbeast..im not!
In year 9, i met Morgan, an extremly black namibian boy. Sweet and quiet in nature.Little did i know he’d be a significant influential and effect of my growth and development.
Morgan and i never hung out after i was the first person to speak to him in class, we cleared at the same time and we never spoke. I entered another school to complete my year 12 and 13 studies and Morgan as well as half of my year 11leavers class joined me there. Morgan had changed from being quiet to outspoken and secretive. He became a male fantasy:a lady’s man. All the chics in school wanted to vibe him despite his blackness.Morgan wanted me…was i just another girl he could toy with?maybe.
I resisted Morgan’s vibe because i knew he didn’t know me that well, we barely talked due to his parttime casanova job and he never seemed all that interested in getting to know my number or my character. Everything I told him he’d judge it, i stopped telling him stuff. He hurt my ego,in more ways than one.
Morgan and i had our first intimate moment when i began teaching year 1students at the school next door. He used to walk me to class, take an interest in what i was doing..he genuinly seemed interested in my vibe. I was in a relationship with ben at that time and things weren’t going so well. Morgan was there. A guy, in my presence, making me feel whole and chatting me up.
I made out with Morgan one day at a school trip, during a french play called Kirikou et la sorciere. WHen we came back to school, Morgan and I also made out in spare rooms. He was really good at the intimate section but I knew he didn’t have the strength or the pysche to get to know me. Morgan, the secretive, casanova with a confused view on life. He told me he’d teach me how to pleasure ben and myself. He told me his had so much sex his a pro. He can help me. I loved ben so much, I’d do it with another guy just to know if I could do it right myself
He confused me. As much as I cared about his emotions, I didn’t know if I should take him seriously. He never took me seriously. It all seemed unmanageable.
I left my past behind, happy that I knew who Morgan had become and who i didn’t want to be. Yesterday I got a call from Morgan asking me where i was, ‘hi dramasque, how r u?what crazy things have u been up to?’ Did j appreciate that?Did secy still want his kisses?did dramaque appreciate his attempts at mentally abusing her again?my conscience is a temple of definitive opinion and personal choice. I must not allow anybody to tamper with it. Morgan changed, I can’t let him feel that he hasn’t.