today is a special day because for the first time in my whole life I wrote a status directly related to hapiness and peace of mine on facebook. YES!I’m on facebook!it’s a miracle!now shut up.
So,it hit me that I should write this post. Yesterday I recieved a rather awkward message from “his” lover/person that he used to vibe while we were going out who’s also in “his” school. And she said, hey,wassup :). I thought to myself ‘how exactly am I supposed to respond?I don’t know this girl and I most definately don’t like the way she’s putting that smiley face’. I asked her who she is and I’m awaiting her reply.
But I got to thinking about why this girl would even contact me, is my x-boyfriend spying on me, does she want to abuse me?or taunt me with the fact that their going out. No, alex told me one precious thing, he told me that maybe my x misses me and always talks about me to her. And maybe, just maybe, shes come to find out what all the hype was about.
My thoughts spun this morning as I woke up, I laughed and thought haha, thank god he misses me because that’s what I just needed to move on. Would I take him back?Would I be honoured?NO. Because I realized twovery important things when I want to the District of Them. One, They will never change and became different from how I percieved them to be(which is a good thing, because I want things to stay the same,absolution). Two, these are two different worlds and two different people.
I used to think he was good enough for me, you know how you rank a dude based on his personality, judgement, actions etc.. looks even. He matched up to all of it. I remember when he picked me up from school last year in December and we drove on and on, the heat was killing us but we didnt mind and we didnt care…It was fun. in that moment I thought, no guy would ever do that for me. And he was definately the unique individual I needed in my life. He made it, he had ambitions, he had dreams, he had logic and reason, he had peace of mind.
You can build something with a person who wants almost the same things you want from life and who has almost what you don’t have in your life. You learn from eachother. At 4 months in this relationship with ‘him’ we still talked about that day in the car, the passion wasn’t lost, the memories were alive.
But ever since he broke u with me, I questioned whether he was right. Am i right for him?No. the answer is a plain NO.
If you live in different worlds from another person, that person willdefinately be affected by whats around them. this girl she’s from his world, she can satisfy him and she can fulfill him because she resides in his world and I don’t. And I never will be. Atleast with Douche or Thor, I see a future, I see me, growing up being with either one of them or a different guy, I see movement. Not here.
Accept the differences I am trying to. I live ina castle, my skin is not flawless, I have a multi-coloured buttcheek, a vaginal infection which I am not too happy with(even after all the meds the doctors been stuffing into me and all the fingers that have felt inside me) and I am trapped, but not for long. I am different, and I embrace my differences and the uniqueness of them.
If the person your with cant accept those differences then there is no use trying to be compatible. I think unconsciously so, he knew it was over. Distance was a factor, but difference was an even bigger one.