Different WorLDS


Hey all,
today is a special day because for the first time in my whole life I wrote a status directly related to hapiness and peace of mine on facebook. YES!I’m on facebook!it’s a miracle!now shut up.
So,it hit me that I should write this post. Yesterday I recieved a rather awkward message from “his” lover/person that he used to vibe while we were going out who’s also in “his” school. And she said, hey,wassup :). I thought to myself ‘how exactly am I supposed to respond?I don’t know this girl and I most definately don’t like the way she’s putting that smiley face’. I asked her who she is and I’m awaiting her reply.
But I got to thinking about why this girl would even contact me, is my x-boyfriend spying on me, does she want to abuse me?or taunt me with the fact that their going out. No, alex told me one precious thing, he told me that maybe my x misses me and always talks about me to her. And maybe, just maybe, shes come to find out what all the hype was about.

My thoughts spun this morning as I woke up, I laughed and thought haha, thank god he misses me because that’s what I just needed to move on. Would I take him back?Would I be honoured?NO. Because I realized twovery important things when I want to the District of Them. One, They will never change and became different from how I percieved them to be(which is a good thing, because I want things to stay the same,absolution). Two, these are two different worlds and two different people.
I used to think he was good enough for me, you know how you rank a dude based on his personality, judgement, actions etc.. looks even. He matched up to all of it. I remember when he picked me up from school last year in December and we drove on and on, the heat was killing us but we didnt mind and we didnt care…It was fun. in that moment I thought, no guy would ever do that for me. And he was definately the unique individual I needed in my life. He made it, he had ambitions, he had dreams, he had logic and reason, he had peace of mind.
You can build something with a person who wants almost the same things you want from life and who has almost what you don’t have in your life. You learn from eachother. At 4 months in this relationship with ‘him’ we still talked about that day in the car, the passion wasn’t lost, the memories were alive.
But ever since he broke u with me, I questioned whether he was right. Am i right for him?No. the answer is a plain NO.
If you live in different worlds from another person, that person willdefinately be affected by whats around them. this girl she’s from his world, she can satisfy him and she can fulfill him because she resides in his world and I don’t. And I never will be. Atleast with Douche or Thor, I see a future, I see me, growing up being with either one of them or a different guy, I see movement. Not here.

Accept the differences I am trying to. I live ina castle, my skin is not flawless, I have a multi-coloured buttcheek, a vaginal infection which I am not too happy with(even after all the meds the doctors been stuffing into me and all the fingers that have felt inside me) and I am trapped, but not for long. I am different, and I embrace my differences and the uniqueness of them.

If the person your with cant accept those differences then there is no use trying to be compatible. I think unconsciously so, he knew it was over. Distance was a factor, but difference was an even bigger one.

From All Good Things BaD tHings Stem


Like a flower attracts ugly,horrid bees. Is the same thing when it comes to my theory.
From all good things, bad things stem
I don’t want to be saddistic or anything but true to the fact, most people can’t help how they do things, what they say and how they think. Love, as i said, is not constant.It changes like our beings, ourselves and we become mirror images of what we never wanted. From love, stems jealousy, betrayel,lust and even,hate.
The world is spinning, thr orb is lingering, the feelings are NOT timeless.

Even education, where one person takes smarts to be an achievment of the highest value others say it could bring about overambition,overconfidence, vanity, boredom and possibly a life full of self-detest. I’m not trying to make you cry, I’m trying to make you realize how important absolution is.
If everything was absolute then there would be no need whatsoever to complain because there would be assurance and certainty over what we believe to be true and what we want to be true. Absolution is neccassary. But we don’t get that and neither do we get that the same girl/guy falling in love with us one day or fucking us cause their our lovers is actually a changing moment.

Socialism, how often do we see our friends come and go because their friendship became a sour betrayel, a painful lust, a daunting love, a fake promise, a distant past…I deleted my friends of facebook, at least most of them, the ones I kenw I wasn’t going to move forward with because it had reached a point where I kenw this friendship was past its due date, and any more perseverance or determination on my part would lead to a bad thing. Steve and I…bad thing. The fine line between being a confidant and being a lover grew so thin I couldn’t even see it. Now, when I talk to him on the phone, all I feel are his words piercing my back and the sadness that our friendship became a relationship in just a mere two months.

From all good things, bad things stem. Success becomes failure. Genious becomes madness. Hapiness becomes sadness. Hugs become punches. Marraige becomes murder. Food becomes leftovers. Alcohol becomes addiction. Sex becomes tiring….
the list is endless.
absolution…remains absolution. How do we gain that?

WithDrawn


Feeling of under,
Madness taking over,
Dangerous ground I’m treading here,
Can’t feel the burn down under….is making me lost,
Sounds of screaming,
Dead and dreaming,
Feeling nothing,
Ill decieved by fetish feelings,
Hunger,lust,greys and blacks,
Like the tracks,
Like the mild insolent slacks,

I’m travelling with blind eyes,
Bloody mess within them,
Despair is risen,
The dead are singing,
My heart is beating,
I’m closer to him,
Can feel the sweat on flesh,
the taste of blood like mesh,
Fire starts and I bark,
Growl and snarl,
Feel the world,
Tumbling over, No return,
Lost in music, My body burning,
Soul escaping,
The devil possessing my soul,
My virginal soul,
My angelic soul,

I’m closer,
I feel it,
The joker,
The lover,
The veiled eyes,
WithDrawn in silence,
WithDrawn and lost